diary

January 1 2025: I finally figured out the sidebar situation after finding out the easiest way to do it was through tabs. Took a while and now I got to this point. I'm really trying not to make this section all about coding but I can't help it lol. Depending on how I feel, I might end up separating everything out instead of having them in large pages like I currently do but I like the look of it right now. I hope you like large hitboxes >:) Happy new year :)

January 2 2025: I bought Forever Kingdom on December 31, 30 minutes before the new year started. It was out of impulse, not due to the fear of never getting this game physically, but because I wasn't doing ok mentally. It is an odd thing honestly but it was better than crying more than I did hours before that moment. All I have to do now is wait for 2 weeks and hopefully it isn't scratched to hell and back.

January 3,2025: Hopefully this picture loads correctly on this page. A late Christmas/Birthday gift arrived yesterday and I'm very grateful for everything I recieved from my friend. They're too kind to me!!! They made the Mohammed Avdol, Serial Experiments Lain, and the injured Curly mouthwashing pins!!! The pins came in with these very beautiful pockets that have stars on them. The journal is vintage from the manga author Yumiko Tabuchi. I was very surprised to see this in the package since it was the very last one and it's just as gorgeous as the photos in the listing. The washi tape included has designs of decorative rolls of tapes with the occasional "washi" sprinkled in and the Miu Miu page came packaged with the journal when I opened it. That's definitely going on my wall somewhere. The mango hand butter was based on a response I gave my friend about what fruit Mohammed Avdol would enjoy and the mass amount of stickers I got is due to me having a sticker collection. I'm not sure what I'm going to do with over 800 legend of zelda stickers teehee.

January 4, 2025: My copy of Forever Kingdom came in way earlier than expected. The funny thing is how it arrived. I already knew it wasn't going to be in the original case sine the listing said so but I was not expecting it to come in a busted xbox 360 case for grand theft auto 5 taped up, with cover paper inside for the game itself. I saw this wrapped up case and thought to myself, "Now what if this was broken with no way to fix it?" Anyways shout out to the person who wrapped it though because that game was ultra protected AND there wasn't a single scratch on it. It's funny, the picture for the listing had the person holding it with a microfiber towel, not a single screenshot in sight. Just 2 pictures to prove that it was still functional.

A bit after struggling to cut the tape off the case, I was presented with a game that didn't look used at all. In comparison, my copy of Evergrace had a lot of scratches on it, since it was technically used by 3 different people and it was bought for $2.99 by the person before me. Forever Kingdom looked like someone bought the game, popped it in once and forgot about it. I played it for an hour, noting every difference I saw fit. Personally, I enjoyed it a bit more since there are 3 characters to switch between instead of one character. The fact that they interacted a lot too made it more enjoyable, especially since their observations about the environment they were in made certain tasks easier to understand. For example: in Evergrace, after defeating the mini boss in the human research lab there is a button that gets pressed to unlock a gate. You have a set amount of time to get over there before the gate goes back down. The issue with this is that it only shows the cutscene once and it's up to you to find the gate and hope that its open. In Forever Kingdom, certain interactions with people or things shows a cutscene that can be triggered again just in case. It's more convienent thar way. Though I still miss Sharline's valley girl accent with the vocal fry :(

I've also been painting quite a bit, mostly for the enigmatic art section that has yet to be constructed. Most of my characters have preliminary sketches and only 2 of them have been painted so far. I really should just make the section and throw in some drawings instead of stalling on it. I just hope however I decide on making it look, that it's fully functional and does't cause any issues.

January 8, 2025: I'm sick :(

January 15, 2025: I'm feeling a lot better. Still sick but I can still do things. Not much has happened, I don't live a very interesting life sadly. A lteer from my pen pal came in on Saturday :). I've been waiting since October. If I remember correctly, that was when i sent him a letter originally and the universe had it against us when it came to his turn. It took 3 tries and I have it now. I finished writing the whole letter but I'm not done with the drawing and decorating the envelope. Baller if you're reading this: haiiiii love the bracelet I wear it alll the time :3

January 17, 2025: As weird as it may seem, I've been working on a comic. It's been something I've been wanting to do for awhile now. The only issue is whether or not I'll actually release anything from it. Some people in my life have seen a bit of it; I believe around 5 concept pages of it. This is a problem because it has become a very personal project and not just something that involves my characters. A lot has changed from the original drafts that I created roughly a month ago and it became way larger than I originally anticipated. So far, theres 7 pages with the majority of it being inked. I made the decision to do everything traditionally for my own sake. Whatever I do to it will be permanent, any editing I do will be minimal and if there are words on any of it, it will be in my own handwriting. This is my personal torture lol.

I'm writing this out as if I'm being forced to do this when I decided this was the best way for me to formulate everything. I guess it does get funnier: I'm doing this entire comic in a cheap sketchbook and only using supplies that are equally as cheap. Legit anything that could be laying around is what I'm using for this. There is no special paper, there is no special pens that would make this easier. I decided to use what I already have. The paper I use works well enough since the ball point pens and gel pens I'm using don't actually smear as much like they did with my more pricer sketchbooks. I'm starting to see why this viable torture method is helping me out way more than I thought.

Again, I'll think about whether or not to release this when the time comes. It's way worse to dwell on something like this instead of letting time take its course.

January 18,2025: I'm currently building the long awaited art section. For real this time, I'm not joking. It's going a bit smoother than I thought. I just have to take a lof of photos and hope this actually looks good. I really wish I had a scanner lol instead of taking every photo by hand. Damn you broken printer.

January 27,2025: It's so weird knowing that the month will soon come to an end. It felt like I haven't done much this month, even though its only the beginning of the year and that I have nothing to worry about. I do have a few achievements for this month dsepite the feeling: I began working on a comic, something I never thought I'd get around to, I began making dolls again and I've been consistanly updating this website. I guess having something to look forward to makes life a little easier. It's obvious but whatever lol.

I had to remake the dolls I originally was going to give my friends. The first ones were made too big so I scaled them down quite a bit. They're around half the size of the ones I usually make and I plan on trying to make simple clothes for them too. One of the dolls has a gimmick with masks and one of the masks is a makeup look one of my friends showed me :). I hope the both of them like them when we get to see each other again. Hopefully I'll remember to post the dolls too after they're given out

January 30, 2025: Sometimes when the waves crash at just the right time, I can hear the fish singing. They sing of a pained existance, one full of horror and treachery. Someties I wonder when their words will cease, but I know deep down that they won't. They have nothing left except their voices.

February 2, 2025: It's the beginning of a new month. I'm a bit more excited about this month than the last by quite a lot. I decided that at the end of the month, I'll be publishing my comic on here. Massive thanks to my friends who encouraged me not to keep this to myself, even though I joked about setting it back to December 21st of this year lol. It's weird releasing something so personal on here but it's better for people to see it instead of keeping it to myself.

This is the first, and only sneak peak I will be doing for this comic. This is my character Raymond reflecting on a large aspect on his life: the odd organ that he was born with. The drawing also depicts a stylized remdition of the solar plexus.

Even more, I'm planning on getting fully into lolita fashion. My friend (the same one who sent that lovely, lovely care package) sent me a site that sells lolita fashion that has a plus size section. I'm still looking through 42Lolita to see what exactly I'd like to wear but I'm dead set of gothic lolita lol. I'm having a lot more fun with this, especially since we plan on going to an anime convention in this fashion. I hope this month is a lot nicer to me :)

February 6, 2025: I decided that some things on here needed to be revamped a bit so it's more cohesive. The links page needed some explanations for some of it so I just went ahead and got on top of that before I decided to throw more things into it. I do plan on having the art section completed by the end of this week so this site would look more complete. It's been a slow morning, it's 5:24 am as I'm writing this out. I spent a chunk of my time sculpting a doll head with some new clay I bought. It's Fimo polymer clay, very sturdy but very difficult to mix. I should've taken the warning seriously and bought clay softner too but I still have a lot of sculpey clay left over so I mixed the too. Did not expect the clay to become so sticky and a bit difficult to use. That's what I get for mixing a soft blue clay with the new clay.

So far, this is what she looks like. I decided to base it off of the painting The Birth of Venus since the fin flowing reminded me of the hair in the painting. I even have a shell that resembles the one in the painting. Obviously this doll will be too big to be fixed to it but I think it would be nice to have her holding the shell instead. Still, I'm not entirely sure about what I'm going to use as cloth for the doll since this is an impulse doll and isn't planned out at all. I'll find something good, I just dont want it to be floral this time around so it would be a bit more natural looking if you know what I mean. I probably won't paint the doll either since the colors I mixed look really lovely and I don't want to cover that up. It's pretty.

February 8, 2025: I've been thinking about this Rothko painting on and off since last night when I was painting one of my characters. The colors used ere were so pretty that I subconsciously replicated it. I was thinking about it then too. It reminds me of the sunrise though my friend said that it reminded him of the sunset. Still pretty regardless if the interpretation.

February 14, 2025: I'm definitely not taking fifty years making the art section. Definitely not. Aside from this absolute blunder, I decided to do a few quality of life changes. I didn't like how empty the hope page and about page was so I changed it to some water to fit the vibe better. I was originally struggling with the best wallpaper for it but I think this is perfect for now. I also changed the background color to the diary section since it was too bright and hurting my eyes a bit. I hope I can find a better place for that background but it didn't feel right to have it in that section. The picture for the diary section is what I took this morning when I went out to place the trash cans by the driveway at around 7 am. It's been raining on and off these past few days. It's kinda funny that we're having monsune season so late here when it usually starts in mid December to early January. But hey, rain is rain when you live in the desert lol.

These few days have been uneventful; going to work, working on my comic, remembering that I should finish the drawings for my site. It's been a bit monotonous, and the fact that I've been in pain has added to the monotony. I did break it a bit when I decided to attempt to progress some more in forever kingdom but I'm stuck in this underground section. The game truly is unforgiving but I enjoy it way more than I originally believed when I first got into this series back in......October of last year? I've been thinking about this series and Lost Kingdoms or Rune in the US. I'm convinced I watched someone in my family play that game since I heard the song Plains of Rowahl. This isn't some feeling of nostalgia but remembering something. I might ask my cousins if they know about it since they did remember playing Evergrace in the early 2000s.

Rest in peace filegarden. You will be missed

February 19, 2025: One of these days I'm going to completely revamp this site. Actually, I wouldn't go as far as to say revamp everything but I do want to remake the home page and about page. Something simple yet cohesive to the vibe of the site. Uhhhhhh yeah I don't know what else to say honestly except this comic is taking 50 million years. I have, what, 7 pages left to draw and ink? It's going fine, just a lot of black ink being used :0. I'm not sure I'll be able to finish it by next week but I hope I'll have everything done and scanned by the second week of March.

FILEGARDEN IS BACK BABEYYYYYYY

February 22, 2025: Yesterday I took down my braids after having them in for a bit too long. Everytime I put them up in a bun, the new growth would get snagged and it was very uncomfortable. It took me 2 hours to take them out and 15 minutes to completely wash my hair out. My hair did grow a bit, so that's nice but for some reason, 2 large napps are in the bottom part of my hair. I tried to detangle it but they're firm in place. I should cut those out honestly and I don't know why I havent yet. Other than that, I put in 4 large twists and called it a day...until I took them out. I'm saying this with sincerity but I look like Katt Williams right now. I looked like the girl from Polar Express yesterday and now I got that going on. I don't have cute curls at all, my shit is fucked up dawg! I fluffed it out the best I could, I tried to make it look a lil bit like a 3c blowout but it was not having it. Now everybody knows I tried to fluff out 4c hair. Embarrassing.

February 28, 2025: Another month has come to an end....saying this as if I'm not typing this at 9am. A few interesting things have happened this month but I'm more than happy to finally leave this month behind me. It felt far too long, despite the 28 days but that doesn't matter much. A few things I'd like to mention:

I completed 2 smaller dolls this month. These were the 2 I made for my friends that are half the size of the dolly I typically make. Though I haven't gotten around to making the accessories, I'm proud of how they came out. SInce I never made a doll this small before, they do look a bit weird but that's what happens when you decide to do something different from how you usually do it. I haven't taken the pictures of them yet nor given them to my friends yet. I hope they like them :)
I began working on revamping the home and about pages. I'm using the template petrapixel made since it was the easiest for me to understand. If I decide to revamp this again, I will do it by hand, though i have no issue with using templates obviously. Itinerae's template served me well, and I did love using it but with how the site looks currently, I think it's best to switch it out with something else lol
I'm going to Vegas in 2 weeks I believe just to be around some family and potentially meet a friend. I hope I'm able to see him since my family and I only go there every once in a while.

I hope next month treats me better.

March 2, 2025: Its March...and im definitely not updating this on my phone lol. Today has been pretty slow, mostly staying in bed and sleeping. I did make some awfully bland brownies that couldn't be fixed anyways. I'll probably use it to make sundaes if that's what it's called.

I also decided to put my comic on hold for a little bit. I've been working on it on and off all last month and I decided that right now would be the best time to take a break. This mostly is due to me leaving the state for a bit in 2 weeks and I don't want to spend most of my time working on it lol. Also that new home and about page.....I am lazy....but it's getting done....lol

March 7, 2025: I'm working on the comic again. I'm fighting the belief that I am making this in vain, that no one would actually like this and want to see this. It's been a struggle working on this; I'm not confident in my art anymore and it's more of a vent piece with far less words than people would expect. The pressure of this having to be the most perfect thing I've ever made has been weighing down on me. It may be made using a cheap sketchbook and gel pens anyone could get their hands on but I have this feeling that people aren't going to like just how unpolished it is. This is ruining me. Even worse, I now have 6 pages to finish and the second week of March will be starting soon. I tell myself that this is for me but I know some people who are excited about this, even though I stopped showing art for it. I just have to wait, I guess.

March 8, 2025: It's currently 12:24 am as I'm writing this. I finally added the new home and about pages. Though they are bare at the moment, I'm glad I changed them from what they originally looked like. I'm very happy with how things are looking on here. When I first created this site, I thought I was going to have a more windows inspired setup but the more I thought about it, the more I really didn't want that. I do like it when sites show this off but when I did it, it looked a bit clunky. I might expirement with it more in the future but this is what I want out of my site right now. Might say more later lol

March 11,2025: Today has been slow, in a good way. I'm doing better today than I have for most of this month. I really wanted it to be nicer but I had a feeling it wasn't going to turn out that way. I think its obvious in these entries that I was not doing well at all. For most of this month, I was having mental breakdowns, sometimes having 3 in a single day. I could not enjoy myself at all and it was slowly eating at me. I'm trying not to self isolate since I worried my friends. I'm grateful that they checked up on me and made sure nothing terrible was going on. Very grateful for them.

Aside from this, I started drawing for fun again. A few days ago, I drew Solca from Forever Kingdom. I plan on using it for an analysis of the game since there isn't much illustrations/screenshots of this game available despite the game coming out over 20 years ago. I'm doing this purely for fun since not a lot of people actually take the series seriously and I want to have something with as much information as possible, adjacent to taptroup's site. I hope people enjoy it when I actually finish it.

ALSO also I'm nearing the end of the game :3 I believe I have 4 or 5 more locations to go through and I'm excited about finishing it. It's been a great experience and I'm glad that I picked it up instead of letting it fester in my mind for eternity.

March 17,2025: Hi, I'm in Vegas right now! Well I've been here for around 4 hours now (5:06 pm) and it's been pretty nice. It's colder here with strong winds. I haven't been needing my jacket at all, even though the rest of my family were cold. It's weird still being up since I went to work last night and I've been up since 3pm yesterday but I'll be alright.

On my way here, I took some pictures. Admittedly, I'm upset that I didn't take as many pictures of the canyons as I wanted. I was a bit too preoccupied with my Link spread to care much. I'll upload the spread some other time.

Before heading to the hotel to get situated, we paid a visit to my uncle and lil cousin. I hadn't seen my lil cousin, we'll call him Juju, in around 3 years but i saw my uncle last year I believe. Juju is a lot bigger than before and likes to play fight a lot. At first, he acted shy despite us finding out that he was impatiently waiting for us to come down. He specifically wanted to see my mom since she was the one he remembered best. After my brother, dad, and I showed interest in playing, thats when he started opening up. Most of the time it was my brother and Juju playing with nerf guns and this odd air ball gun. It was stopped when he started aming for the face, not intentionally but it had to be halted. He even had me play roblox after awhile since I wanted to play on there. The most lucrative game we played was hot potato with a toy grenade. If we caught it when it "exploded", we had to play dead and had a mock funeral before getting back up to play again. This only lasted around 7 times before we started pushing the grenade onto eah other. In fact, there was a period where Juju and my brother "held me down" so I couldn't resist the grenade. They liked doing this because I would ragdoll everytime it exploded. 3 hours after we got there, we had to leave and go to the hotel. We said our goodbyes and Juju really wanted my brother to have a sleepover with him. He declined. We'll see about that tomorrow since we're seeing him again.

I plan on meeting a friend for the first time tomorrow as well. I'm very excited :D. We planned this roughly 3 weeks ago; I decided to ask him if he wanted to hang out since it was a coincidence that I was coming down here for a bit. We agreed that if I was here, we could meet up and do something together, I'm happy that he agreed to this :)

I made him something: A sculpture of the head of his persona. He doesn't know that I made it, but he knew I made him something. Sadly the gloss I used was sticky and the stuffing I used to protect it stuck to some parts of the figure. Even sadder, a piece of the hair came off when I was figuring out how to get it here. I feel smart for putting the box between a tight wedge where my bag was in the trunk. It got here safely without any other scratches. It also has a starry night motif at the bottom of the figure. I was going to decorate the box with this design but I thought it would've been more impactful if I painted it directly on the figure. I'm not going to post it right now since I want him to see it first. I hope he likes it!!!!!!

March 18, 2025: Hi, we met up! It was a lot of fun :) We met up in the Chinatown district and hit a few stores. There was a wonderful bakery that showed their breads and cakes in displays and you got them yourself on a tray. I ate a red bean bun, really good but it took me forever to eat since it was so sweet. I still have my matcha cake and his requested jalapeno cheese bread to eat :D. We also hit a Shanghainese resturant where he got 2 scallion pancakes and i got chili oil dumplings; both were really good and aparently that was a place he never went to. We got boba, visited a card shop, and went to an arcade that had a far better vibe than the one I usually went to at home. So much fun, I'm really glad we were able to do this. This was the most fun and I hope we're able to hang out again the next time I'm down here.

I gave him the sculpture of his sona first thing when we met and he loved it. Sadly when we were going down the stairs, it fell on the stairs and the remaining hairs broke off. Theres also a large crack on the surface but beyond that, it held its shape. I offered to replace it but he likes the original too much for that. Anyways, heres the pictures that I took when it was finished :)

March 27, 2025: Not much has been happening but I wouldn't say its entirely good either. That's just how March is. 2 days ago, we got new carpets installed. They're soft and a vibrant deep blue, I'm not used to how they feel since the softness is somewhat uncomfortable. It took around 9 hours for the 3 bedrooms to get new carpet. I didn't sleep much that day either; I pulled an all nighter when I went to work and by the time I was home, I had been up for over 24 hours. I took an hour long nap on the couch since there was nothing I could do about it, and all of my art supplies was in the garage. I was a bit smart having my main sketchbook out and I used the PS2 so time would pass. Even as I'm writing this, half of my things are in the garage. Not gonna lie, I don't feel like bringing them back in so.....it might be a while.

I know I keep saying this but the comic is actually almost done. I think I'll be able to release by Sunday. Its mostly finishing touches and completing the 2 pages. I haven't been as motivated as I thought I would be but I think I'll be ok.

March 31,2025: Now that I finished the comic, I plan on showing both the original sketches and references used in the comic. I'll try to get a chunk of that done this weekend. That and taking pictures of the sketchbook that held the sketches.

This month was all over the place, to be honest. There was some good and some bad. I do believe that this month was a lot better compared to the last 2 months of this year. I was able to meet and online friend, released a comic on here and I haven't been as stressed as I thought I would be. I hope next month is far better :)

April 2, 2025: It's April now. It's kind of surreal just how quickly this month came compaired to the other months. I've been listening to With You, In Spring by Nekobolo a lot recently. I forgot the song name for a few weeks when the intro kept playing in my head despite listening to that song for roughly a decade now. I completely forgot the name in english and somehow forgot the name in japanese as well. I've kept it close to me so i wouldn't forget it again. Since it's April, I'll be listening to dot. by Nekobolo as well since I feel that it is very appropriate for this month. The same with 333 by Bladee; they both represent spring to me and I'd like to hold these albums close before the mornings get brighter.

April 8, 2025: I'm trying to be more positive about my art. I don't like my art all that much currently and I have the thought that if I drew, painted, and wrote predominantly about white people that it would make people enjoy my stuff more. My friends have told me that they do enjoy my art but its very hard to believe them when I feel like no one wants to engage with it. I feel so distant both with my art and with the people around me, even though I'm taking steps to go outside of my comfort zone. It effects everything and I really have no way to ease those thoughts. I've sent and deleted drawings because I couldn't stand the thought of someone looking at it, I deleted a link of my comic in my gc believing that no one looked through it, I became more obvious with my themes just to get someone to notice. But it's useless work. In the back of my mind is another voice, one that tells me to just dump everything here and not tell anyone. I feelit winning some days but I hope this doesn't become a reality for me. I just have so many thoughts swarming all the time that it feels like there is no positives. The month has just started and I don't know what to do with myself. It's weird admitting this since I was so optimistic about this month going far better than the last, only to get hit with the most gut wrenching feeling of disatisfaction with everything. I thought it was going to get better.

April 10, 2025: I watched Lake Mungo with my friend through discord today. We finished it around 30 minutes ago at the time I'm writing this. We waited until I was comfortable speaking on there to watch it together. It's very sad; I was quiet for the last half of the movie since it was punch after punch after punch. I'm not going to spoil it since it is worth watching but in the end, they never truly understood her. I loved that the movie kept up the documentary aspect and didn't overdo it with editing. It was well paced too and everything was brought back to Alice beautifully. The movie is an exploratation of a family navigating life after the unexpected death of Alice who died in Lake Mungo from drowning, uncovering secrets that Alice didn't want revealed in life. Again, the movie was so sad and seeing the pictures at the end of the movie was devastating. They really didn't look close enough. Great movie, I don't know why I waited so long to watch it.

I never said it before on here either but me and a bunch of friends watched the leaked unfinished version of Minecraft on discord last week. One of my frineds found a mega link for it and we went to his server to watch it. There were some oddities to this version: there was an ad in the movie using the flash for some reason????? Like it would go from the movie, zoom out of the action and the movie would be playing on his phone and he shows it to the person sitting in the chair infront of him. And then it goes back to normal. I think there were 4 ads in total, most showed the logo of who was hosting this leak, hard to explain. There was an untextered wolf that was straight up red, green screen artifacting was visible, models weren't finished, scenes that would never make it into the final cut (i have not seen the movie yet teehee), and many more things. Genuinely it was some of the most fun I've had in a while.

April 17, 2025: I'm slowly starting to do more creative things again. The biggest thing I've done to ensure that I'll be able to create more freely was to limit the anount of people who get to see my art. Recently, I've decided to make some small changes to some of my characters and had 3-4 people see it first before showing more people since I knew that the urge to delete the drawing would lessen. I've also began explaining my process/letting others be involved in deciding what should be drawn as well without 100% letting them fully decide on what I should draw. It's gotten easier creating the things that I enjoy, hell I started sculpting again but I haven't made any new dolls since some of my fabric and all of my stuffing gor thrown away earlier this month :(. I do plan on gutting another old plush since I don't really need a lot of it since I started making my dolls a bit smaller. The last 2 dolls I made were half the height of the first three shown on the site.

This is the doll that I gave to my friend when I met up with her last month. I don't think I mentioned that...oh well. It's very obvious that this doll is pretty small sompared to the others since it can be held in one hand without much issue. Currently this is the only doll in this style I made that depicts a Kalamari. I should do that more, it's fun sculpting big ears

The other doll I made I'm thinking of completely redoing it since the torso looks weird and I have to make adjustments to the arms since some of it has ripped for some reason. I don't know what was so difficult about this one specifically for it to be weirdly lopsided but I have until Saturday to fix it before seeing both of my friends again. Hopefully I can get on top of that today.

April 22, 2025: I never remade the doll, I couldn't find the fabric. I gave it to my friend and they really liked it! We went to a store that has lolita attire and art on the 19th. We hadn't seen each other since August, I believe, and it was nice finally catching up. The store has lots of stickers, stationary, clothing, and art prints. Lots of different artists there, very lovely environment. After spending time there, we walked to ihop for dinner. We stayed there for 2 hours just talking about anything and everything but we finally paid and left since our server was leaving. We sat together in the sitting area for a few minutes, waiting for our rides. We took a picture and I spilled my food on the floor. I cleaned it up but I didn't get to throw it away until I got home since the place didn't have an outdoor trash can. We're trying to see if we can do a monthly meetup, me, them, and another friend. Hopefully we can do that.

My forever Kingdom strategy guide came in yesterday, completely unexpected. It was supposed to arrive on May 9th but it got here yesterday lol. It's in Japanese since that's the one that was being sold the most on ebay. I expected it to be of lesser quality but I'm genuinely surprised that the copy appeared to be mostly unused. There was no creasing along the spine and the book doesn't lay flat at all, there is no fading on the texts or pictures, and most special of all: the tagline that wraps along the cover not the plastic bookcover, was fully intact. Hell, they even gave me a bunch of coupons for their store and other ones too. I ordered it through the most prestegious Japanese etsy sellers without knowing it. This isn't an exaggeration by the way, they call themselves legendary Japanese sellers on etsy. Shits swaggy as fuck :3

Oh also I got my hair cut on Sunday. I now have a good 4 inches of hair >:)

April 26, 2025: I recently made a dollhouse. It's one room and contains a sleeping figure, 2 floor shelves, a smaller dollhouse, and a stool which has a small doll atop it. I don't have any plans to paint it since I really like how it looks like an igloo.

I also retrieved the pictures of the doll I made for my friend :3

I like this one a lot because the mask is completely functional...even though I had to tape it lol

I may have become a bit...Normal...I'm taking a break from forever kingdom and I've been playng final fantasy 10 part 1. When I tell y'all that if forever kingdom had more time to bake, it would've been like ff10....I'm not even joking. The similarities are there and everything. I thought this review of the game from 2002 was an exaggeration, about playing ff10 instead but they absolutely have similar vibes. I really wish that FK gets remade and is way more explorable, seeing just how people live there. It's been a fun experience playing 2 games that are so similar yet so different at the same time.

April 27, 2025: I just got a new computer. It's refurbished and is a lot smoother to use than the horrid chromebook I was using. I CAN USE CAPS LOCK NOW :DDD. Aside from the fact that the last one I had was acting up horrifically, the main reason I wanted a new one was because our main printer/scanner doesn't hook up to it at all. No matter what my family and I did, it wouldn't. From what I found, theres only a select amount of printers that can be used with it...since it mostly uses printers wirelessly...which is not good, like at all. Plus I needed a computer that could handle me touching it with polymer clay hands, which the other one could not do that. I this one a lot, the only downside is that it doesn't have a disk drive. I wanted to get one that had one but they were kinda expensive and I really didn't want to pay $20 for an add on. I'm shocked at how cheap this one actually is like there's no scratches on it, nothing to suggest that it was used all that much. I might properly scan the comic section since that's something that can be done now. YIPPEEEEEEEE!!!

I'm currently in the process of scanning my art and I plan on scanning the comic soon. Because i take so many pictures of my art, I thought it would be better to just scan them for smoother uploading since my phone's camera is a bit iffy when it comes to my art. I thought I was making the lines dark but my phone said otherwise lol. Hopefully I'll have more things to do with this site teehee

May 1, 2025: Not gonna lie, I thought there was one more day in April. Oh well, it's a new month. Hopefully it goes far better than last month.

May 4, 2025: I finally made the sketches page for the solar plexus. It took far less time since I'm finally using a scanner instead of taking pictures with my phone. It only took roughly an hour and a half lol. Outside of this, I recieved a gift from my friend on Friday. He got me a Muhammed Avdol figure. It's a lot heavier than I thought it would be and it's taller than the other figures I have. Its currently on my shelf next to my door since its to tall for the other shelves lol. I'm still looking at figures to get him since I told him i was getting him one as well since it would be diabolical not to.

May 7, 2025: I've been looking back at the first drawings of my original characters recently. More specifically Raymond. It's fun looking back and seeing just how much a character has changed and being reminded of how much my art has improved as well. It's crazy that I created these characters roughly 7 years ago and I'm just now showing them off. I got started on drawing Raymond's proto designs since i want a cohesive timeline of everything in one place; this goes for all of my characters honestly. Might turn this into some pages here but we'll see. No promises on that.

I also decided it would be fun to share some of my favorite albums here. It was supposed to go to the music player section but I did't think it would mesh well since its webamp on a normal page. One day i might throw those 2 concepts together....I should make a list lol

May 10, 2025: I've been playing games on my computer a bit more. It's been an experience being able to download games and having them run smoothly. I downloaded Hello Charlotte 1 around a week ago since I've been meaning to play it for myself and I like it so far! I haven't made a lot of progess in it but I like the art and just the symbolism that's being shown so far. I know what happens it it but I kinda forgot since it has been a while :D. My favorite soap eaters :3

I also downloaded the absolutely gorgeous ynfg Yellow Sails!!! It's fairly short since it's a game jam game but that didn't stop me from playing it over and over again to see what else I could find. I took some screenshots of the game too, i might add those into the on rotation page since it is a game that should be seen. The waves, the art, the music, it's wonderfully done and I wish there was more to it. So pretty, I highly recommend it. For those who would like to play it :3

On the topic of ynfgs...FOG. Oh my god that game is something lmao. I've been playing that far more than the others, it's so captivating. I mostly play as Emory since they go around and find gifts to give to other npcs, including the other two protagonists: Tegan and Leon. I don't know what the gifts are for since they're called ???? but that doesn't make the hunt less fun. Very interesting game :3

May 16, 2025: I'm trying to finish the Raymond timeline so I can make a shrine for it. I do want to make shrines for all of my characters but it takes a lot of time since half of the characters and ideas i created went through so many changes, its hard to make an accurate timeline. I went through trouble drawing out Raymonds V2 design since I never made the distinction between the 3 designs, so I put them under the same era. Plus I have to document early Doyleys too but thats a challenge of its own since Doyleys were more mythical when they were first created instead of being a standalone race that just so happens to be the race that started early life. You get what I mean. I'm hoping to have half of the Raymond shrine done this weekend since it gives me a bit more time to complete it. No promises tho I still have 3 drawings left teehee.

Aside from this, I recently bought some acrylic markers. It's a 12 pack since I don't need more than that. I originally had 2 packs of the artxx acylic markers but I ended up throwing them away since a lot of them dried out pretty quickly and shaking them didn't help much. I got those around 2 years ago and decided that I didn't need any after that.....until now since I found a pack that wasn't 24-36 each. They're nice, I swatched them and they work just how I expected them to. It even came with a gold and silver metalic markers :3. I will draw on every surface with them >:D

I tried beating Forever Kingdom today and got my ass beat twice. I didn't rage quit of anything, I just accepted it. The worst part is that I only have 1 (one) revive gem and that complicates everything. I still remembered to block excessively since that works out the best. In my first attempt, I was able to get Drumhort's health halfway down but died when Darius got hit from the back. The second attempt was getting Darsul down halfway with Ruyan getting hit hard in the back...even though I had him blocking for his LIFE. I had Faeana and Darius spam as much spells as i could get them to just to lower the both of them. I'll try again some other time, I'm aware that there's another boss fight after those 2 are done. All I can say is that the music from the fight is absolute fire i can't lie

Ehhh my life isn't too interesting lol the most I've done was moving the 15 year old family flatscreen TV into my room and the Playstation 2 since I'm the only one who consistantly uses it. >:D Now the whole family has to go through me if they want to play it.

Actually side tangent: I was telling my mom about the big reason why I wanted the TV since my parents have a new TV now. Because the TV in the living room is high definition and has AI smoothing effects, it makes playing on the PS2 headache inducing. I'm not joking, playinh FFX was a goddamn nightmare with the effects. When you get into battles/boss fights, the screen transistions with a sort of bubble effect. What happened on the high definition TV is that it would make it look more 3D when it wasn't necessary at all. So there would be times when I'm doing random encounters and i would get a headache because of the 3D effects being added onto the screen. It was not fun at all, and since it's being played on a TV that was in production when the Playstation 2 was still being made, I no longer have headaches. I think it's a bit funny looking back since I knew having it on that TV would make it a far better experience but I had to wait a long time to experience that again. The only downside is that every time I want to watch something, I have to fully disconnect the PS2 and add the cables for the roku lol. A small price to pay to play the console on a time appropriate device.

May 24, 2025: I just put half of my site on the internet archive. I got curious if the first ever version of my site was up there since i never preserved it myself. It's on there, it's like I never changed it. The DOA gif plays normally, the about page is preserved, and the mystery page too. It didn't archive the first wallpaper design i used in the diary section but the cloud one is there instead. It's from February, a bit before I redesigned everything. This is for those who are curious about the early beginnings of this site. When I pull it up on my computer, it acts funky but it works perfectly well on mobile. I wonder why that is lol.

I'm trying to make dolls again after not making one in months. It's a Sharline doll based off the cameo in Forever Kingdom. There's armor that is found after completing Colloseum events in the game called Count Feline armor. It is what it sounds like but what makes this armor remarkable is that in the back of the armor is a plush of Sharline in the hooded part. I didn't notice it the first time I saw it but it's a very cute addition to the game since this is before Darius finds out that she's alive after all that time. I decided to make a doll based off the plush but have her head and hands be made out of clay since my attachment skills aren't that good currently. Plus I'm going to a convention on the 6th and it would be funny walking around with a somewhat proportional doll like that.

On the topic of Sharline, I decided to pick up Evergrace again. I had to hook the PS2 again since I disconnected it from the TV when I put the roku up. I had a bit of an issue with it since the switch for the 3 way connecter for the PS2 was switched off for some reason. No one knows who did it but that must have happened 2 weeks ago. Though I enjoy the game, it lowkey gives me a headache. I completely forgot that the mapping of the controls were a bit different compaired to Forever Kingdom and the rooms of the dungeons are EXTREMELY samey. I remembered just how bad the Sharline human research lab was so i decided to do Darius' route. I'm not gonna sugar coat this but the human research lab was far more easier to follow than the shrine Darius had to navigate. When I say I got lost more times than i can count, I mean it. I quit playing it when I used flare range and fell into the abyss in the mirror room. I just turned the game off in shame, pulled up a guide and everything just to lose it all lmaoo

I thought about getting my comic printed physically just in case something happens to the original sketchbook it is housed in. Nothing much, maybe 5 copies at most for me and my family. Even though it's on here, I know deep down that this isn't the most secure way to keep the comic up. Things happen; neocities will shut down one day and the comic will be remembered by those who saw it when it was up. I don't want that to happen, which is why I'm archiving this site as much as I can. Mostly so I can brag to the future generation about this site and how much fun it was to make it lol. I like this too much to leave it in the eather y'know? I hope it stays around for as long as it can. :)

Hopefully i don't take 50 years to make another entry in here lol

May 27, 2025: It's 3:44 am currently and I just ate the worst looking quesadilla known to man. It tasted good, and that's all that matters. That's it lol

May 31, 2025: Hey :) its the end of the month! I survived another month...not looking forward to next month though I'm not gonna lie. I live in the desert and its getting very quickly getting hot here, I'm talking over 100f. It started last month, oddly enough but its gotten as high as 105f here so being careful is the best I can do for now. Nothing interesting has been going on either; I'm making the Raymond shrine currently and thats going nicely. I never made a shrine before but I think it's funny to make shrines for your original characters instead of making them about your favorite pieces of media lol. I'm also going to use an image map too for fun since I wanna see where I can place the pages :3 Just trying to have more fun with the site teehee

June 1, 2025: It's June now. It rained for a chunk of today and the whole house smells like rain now. It was sprinkling a bit before i started typing this up too. Happy pride :333

June 6, 2025: I went to a convention today. I didn't go with anyone this time but I go with my dad tomorrow and in Sunday, I go with the rest of my family. Before going, I made a Sharline doll to walk around with since I was really anxious about being somewhere that has a lot of people. It took me 2 days to make her and I'm very proud of myself! She's based off the Count Feline costume in forever kingdom, the one you obtain from doing the colosseum every once in a while. To be more specific: Sharline's plush that hands from the hood of the costume. Shockingly, there's no pictures of this costume online but I did take a picture of it when I realized she was there. I'll link the pictures later since it's late and I don't feel like it right now.

I tried making the plush look as close to the plush as possible but still made the face and hands out of clay as usual. Completely forgot to make the doll smaller so I kept having to hold the head up and cramped my hand lol. The convention was fun. Even though I went later at around 1 pm, there was still a bunch of people there. For some reason, I saw a bunch of men dressed up in suits as a costume. Weird stuff. I got mostly comics this time around since there were far less people checking them out at the indie comics area. I also got a fat ass evangelion illustration book that hurt my back since its so large and heavy. So heavy in fact that I had to buy another bag just in case the tote I was carrying didn'y break on me. Again, I'll post the pics later since its now the 7th.

Rest in peace ICO game I bought for the PS2. Who knew the North American release was nuked and was formatted as a DVD? Well that makes me the proud owner of the ugly box art variant lol but I did get a replacement. Its the ICO/Shadow of the Colossus remaster for the PS3. I'm very excited about playing both of them :)

June 7, 2025: Since nothing has happened yet today, I'm just gonna drop the Sharline doll in here :)

June 15, 2025: I started playing ICO today. I have both the nerfed ugly ass North American version and the HD remaster with Shadow of the Colossus. I had to rebuy it since the original is known to not work properly if the PS2, which was something I was unaware of until the game was in my hands. The intro cutscene works but after that, it doesn't start up. I'm liking it so far, I've been thinking about this game every once in a while for the past 5 years (shout out thaiboy digital) but I didn't think about playing it until I found the site ICO shrine. And here I am, playing this game :)

I'd do more with this site if I knew what else to add next. I'm just taking it slow since its been super hot and I'm sleeping way too much. I'll find something teehee

June 18, 2025: I've decided it would be fun to make another comic. It'll be in color since I think it would be fun to do so since I'm coloring my art again. It's Camilla centric and I want to do a full dream sequence so I can experiment with color. Might make a yume 2kki reference but we'll see when I get there. So far, I have 1 page sketched out and half of it is colored. I broke out the large multimedia sketchbook for it since I used a bit of watercolor on the page 😈. I wanna know if that emoji pops up (yes I'm writing this on my phone, I am not at home lol).(It's funnier this way sincr it doesn't pop up but its supposed to be the devil emoji)

Life has been boring recently. Nothing interesting has happened either. I guess the comic thing is interesting but that's just something for fun. Hopefully something good comes up... I'm guessing the convention I went yo earlier this year sapped the fun out of me and now I see everything as boring at the moment. Might be that.

June 20, 2025: I'm going to take out the OC section from the art page to make it more cohesive. I've been thinking about it for a while now and I think it would be best. I never explained how the concept worked or how every humanoid race derived from Doyleys so that'll be something I take care of soon. Plus more art of the characters wouldn't hurt. Hopefully I get started on that sooner instead of later. Just want to get that done at some point.

Also hoping to make another OC shrine soon too but I haven't chosen the next character yet. Might make it Alex since he's the second oldest character I have and only had 5 phases I believe. Either him or Francis since both of theirs are pretty interesting. Also an abandoned OC page too since some of those characters would later be used as inspo for my current 9 characters. So much to think about, so much to do. Neither should take long either way.

My new work shoes came in yesterday. I haven't broken into them yet since I was asleep for most of yesterday but I should get to that soon. They're black and pink. My last ones look like garbage and it was about time I get new ones since the last pair made my feet hurt. Sobbing. Hopefully they're good and are slip resistant.

june 28, 2025: My hair has grown quite a bit since my last update. From the front, it goes down to my eyebrown and from the back, it reaches the end of my neck. I'm still holding out on my hair being shoulder length again, I do think this will be achievable very soon since the hair growth has been pretty rapid. Soon i have to get the ends trimmed since there are some straight hairs here and there but it's not too bad thankfully. Just waiting for it to be long enough that I can put the front part in braids without it curling in on itself.

Its been a bit quiet these days. Just taking things very slow and not trying to worry so much about things right now. I'm trying to bring my stress levels down since I went through periods of continuous stress without relief plus some life events that I won't go into detail about. Both serious and non-serious events but I believe it'll be fine. I started sculpting again; I'm currently making another doll house thats somewhat similar to the last one I made but I want it to have more rooms so I'm making separate parts for it. I don't know how big it will be. It barely fits in the toaster oven but I'm persistant on baking it in the garage since it's so hot. Its 104f right now so doing this out there is the best thing for me to do currently. I want to keep the house cool and not sweat like there is no tomorrow. I do hope to update this more but I think it would be nicer to have other things updated on here.

July 1, 2025: When I left work today, I thought there was fog out, since it was around 5:20 am. It wasn't fog, it was dust. I didn't notice it at first, until I checked the air quality in the city, only for it to say its 102...which is unhealthy. And then I noticed my nostiles were starting to hurt so i had to go back and forth between holding my breath for a period of time and breathing through my shirt as i waited for my ride. Not a very fun way to start my morning honestly and not a fun way to start the month. I hope it isn't like this the rest of the month.

July 6, 2025: I'm currently making a mask. I bought some premade paper mache masks as a basis since I don't have a lot of time to figure out the measurements of my face. I'm going to make 2 of them: one with the design made with air dry clay so i have a clear reference and the final one being fully made out of polymer clay. I'll probably post both when they're done but yeah.

July 14, 2025: Hey! Uh man I keep abandoning this section, honestly. I'm trying to make the site nicer and it's taking 50 years. I'm happy with how the about page looks and there's far less information about myself on there now. That's basically it :3

July 24, 2025: My friend and I went to see Babymetal last night. First time they went to a concert and this is my second time going in general....and seeing Babymetal for the second time as well. Before Babymetal, 2 different groups played: Bloodywood and jinjer. Bloodywood was amazing and really knew how to hype the crowd. Hearing a piccolo being used as an interlude was something I never thought of and it really made the experience so much more memorable. The explanations before the sing, the introductions, everything was amazing. I recorded quite a bit of them since they were incredible. Man I really wish I got a shirt of the group I really regret that. I wish I took some pictures as well but I wasn't thinking that far lol. Also.....their logo.....is an ELEPHANT :D. We didn't catch it the first few songs, I think we realized it 3 songs in. Again, downright phenominal performance I have not stopped thinking about that.

My friend and I wasn't the biggest fan of jinjer. Before seeing their part, we went down to get some merch, more specifically the venue exclusive shirts and then get ear plugs since some of the songs were a lil too loud. As we're getting the ear plugs, we see the lead vocalist on the TV. We didn't know there was another group coming up at that time since we thought we'd get back before another group began playing. Back to the band though. The thing about the group is that the lead vocalist is very charismatic and can go back and forth between her normal singing voice and her metal voice. She was dancing all over the stage and it was fun to see. The issue is that the songs sounded a bit samey. Like the vocals were amazing, it was the instrumentals that was holding it back. I didn't record anything from this set since my friend and I came back and were sweaty and yeah. I do wish I recorded their last songs even though I wasn't the biggest fan, I just wish I had recordings of the lead singer.

Babymetal......oh my god. JUst like the last time, they were phenominal. In fact, they were so much better than te last time I saw them. Here's the thing: the last time I was at that venue, they had really small TVs that...didn't project anything. Something that happened last time is that when Deathklok was playing, the TV kept disconncting so there was an error screen. This time, they got large TVs that actually captured the performance!!! Seeing Babymetal Death playing, seeing the new introduction about 15 years of Babymetal...was crazy. We forgot that they've been around for that long. Song 3 had an animation about three sisters named Ich, Ni, San who were sisters who were a thrid year in elementary school, a third year in high school, and a third year in college. All around fun vibes. Personal favorite part was when someone in a skeleton costume came on to show people in the crowd. This was during the song RATATA, actually before the song started since they were saying fufu. Another part was when the vocalist and guitarist of Bloodywood came back on stage to perform a song with them. Literally didn't notice it until I looked all the way down lol. Genuinely such an amazing performance, and the ending having everyone turn their phone lights on during Monochrome was amazing.

when we left the concert, my friend and I were taking a bunch of pictures, while we were searching for a place to stand at so we can get picked up. We tried to stand at mcdonalds with some other people at the concert but the police was there with speakers. They were playing weird piano music, and when that didn't work, they threatened us since we were "loitering". Not very fun at all..so we walked all the way to a hotel so we could leave. I did't get home until almost midnight (I left for the concert at 5 pm teehee) and was very exhausted. I know my friend made it back at around 12 am since we got the same lyft. All in all, it was an amazing concert. I wasn't able to bring my mask with me which was a bummer but it was made up when we realized we got to sit next to each other after thinking we'd be separated :)

Here's a collection of some of the songs that played last night :)

Hopefully I don't take 50 million years to write in here agin lol

diary entries